What spoke to me the most today was the prayer at the end of this passage…
“Lord, strengthen me to pray with trust, even when I see no fruit.”
Pray with trust. Blind faith. With patience.
That’s not always easy to do.
The passage today reminds us that when we find ourselves in places where we must “wait and hope, even in sorrow, our prayers matter…even when answers seem delayed.”
I think if we look back at certain times in our lives we can see that our prayers were answered.
It may not have been within our desired timeline and sometimes it wasn’t even the response we expected, but…
God was there.
And he was at work.
I’d like to share one of those times with you.
My husband and I struggled with fertility issues. I had endometriosis and a bicornuate uterus. Although it was possible to conceive, it was extremely difficult.
Month after month we prayed, and I feared I would never be a Mom.
A little background about me, I never longed for a “career”.
All I ever dreamed of, was to be a wife and a mom. I saw myself in that picture. I lived for that picture. I wanted to get married young and have 4 kids. I had it all planned out and I dreamed of a very traditional family life.
Hubby would work and I would stay-at-home to take care of the kids and help raise our family.
I prayed for it daily and I couldn’t imagine life any other way.
So, after being blessed with meeting and marrying the love of my life, my heart was full. My prayers were being answered, my dreams were within reach.
If only it had been that easy…
After a couple of years, we decided we were ready to start a family.
Great! Let’s do this!
But…apparently, God thought otherwise.
Tears, frustration, confusion and comparison followed. It seemed so easy for everyone else, but for us…nothing but disappointment and heartbreak.
During that time, testing discovered my bicornuate uterus, coupled with endometriosis. After enduring surgery and few months of healing we were able to try yet again.
And we were hopeful.
It was still several more months later but then…it happened!
Praise God!
I learned I was finally pregnant.
My prayers of “Please let it happen for us Lord”, became “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!”
We were elated. We started planning. We were choosing the room in our home for the nursery.
Life…was…perfect.
But then, after a year and a half of trying, when I was just over 10 weeks into my pregnancy…I miscarried.
I can remember being in mass that morning and suddenly, feeling weak and lightheaded, I had to sit down. I remember the panic washing over me as I looked up at my husband and said, “something’s wrong”.
A trip to the doctor the next morning confirmed our worst fear… no more heartbeat.
To say we were shattered is an understatement.
The sadness and prayers of ‘why’ were endless.
I felt like I was suffocating.
So, I did the only thing I could do…I prayed.
I cried a lot… but I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed.
I knew my dream of having a family was completely in God’s hands.
It was another very long, very stressful, year and a half before I finally conceived again.
And my prayers this time were desperate.
I was overwhelmed with gratitude, but I was terrified.
“Please Lord, Let this baby be ok. Please be with us. Please protect our child. Please help us.”
And…all glory to God…He did.
The gift of our lives was the day our first daughter was born. The gratitude and love I felt for that tiny miracle still overwhelms me to this day.
Truth is, I’ll never understand why it was so hard for us. Each of our 3 children was difficult to conceive. And I truly believe God called our unborn angel home that morning during mass.
But despite my heartbreak and suffering, I look back at what followed, and I’m thankful.
I’m thankful for the family my husband and I were blessed to raise, and I’m thankful, through the grace of God, that our prayers were answered…not in our time, but in His.
His plan, His timing, as always…was perfect.
Each of those babies I so desperately prayed for and held in my arms are grown now.
So today, I pray God gives me the strength to continue to trust Him. To trust that He is guiding their lives and their journey so that they too will grow in their faith in Him.
From the passage today, “God hears the cries of the faithful – and he responds, in time”.
“Lord, strengthen me to continue to pray with trust, even when I see no fruit.” Amen.
“Her tears were not wasted – they became a wellspring of grace.”
